Thursday, May 6, 2010

just a layout to share

I created this layout last month and just haven't gotten around to posting it. I used everything Crate Paper. :)

Life has been a bit stressful lately, but fortunately I have had enough scrappy time to ease some of the troubles away. Ashlyn has been sick for almost a month now and she's not getting better. It was found that she has highly elevated levels of bacteria in her small intestine, which is not good. She had an allergic reaction to the first round of antibiotics they gave her, and the replacement meds didn't sit too well with her either, but she trudged through them... experiencing just about every side effect listed. I felt so guilty for giving them to her knowing she wasn't tolerating them, but that bacteria needs to go so you do what you have to do.
She's still not feeling well, in fact she cannot even stand up straight, nor can she move without catching her breath because she is in so much pain. She spends a lot of time in her bed or hunched over in a chair. It's truly heartbreaking to watch and there is nothing I can do for her. She has another dr. appt. on Monday morning, so hopefully we can keep moving forward to the next test to figure this out. I have faith in her Dr. I believe that he will find something... heck, just figuring out she has bacteria in her small intestine is something tangible, Something to work with and figure out why (at least I pray).

We've seriously done 4 complete school days this past month. That's it. She doesn't have the stamina. I am not stressing about. We get what we can done each day and it is what it is. We are still managing to move forward and make some progress, so I feel good with that. It's not like she's doing much else. lol

For the past 15 months we've just had to sit back and do test after test with nothing really showing up that we can move forward with. All the doctors have basically said the same thing, "We'll just have to wait for her to get sick and then we'll be able to add another piece to this." For several months she seemed to be doing well and when this hit, it came on like a hurricane... she went from feeling great on a Saturday to not being able to eat or move on a Monday. Have I mentioned what a trooper she is? Because I don't think that I could live like she has to. It's miserable.

I had someone dear to me tell me yesterday that I must be a very strong person because God only gives us what we can handle and with everything I have been feeling/experiencing lately, I have a big load. As if Ashlyn isn't enough to deal with, Kenny is going to have to have surgery on his lower back. He has no disc or something there. He works then comes home and goes straight to bed. I have to take care of everything around here. I see now the benefits of a condo. bahaha! Every so often he'll get up and try to do a little something, but nothing that I can consider helpful. I feel badly for him as well. I have had back pain and had to lie in bed for a weekend and that was more than I could bear. lol I have to be moving all the time. It's not easy to watch someone who feels helpless actually be helpless.

I have come to terms with Kara being gone. It does get easier each day. Somedays I miss her terribly, but my heart is bursting with pride! I get to talk to her several times a week. It's amazing as a mother to hear the growth in her voice each time I speak with her. She's still Kara, but she's really growing up and I can hear it, even in just the few short weeks we have been able to communicate regularly. I always told the girls that I cannot be their friend while they are living in our house. I have to be their parent. I will be their friend when they are on their own. I feel like I have a new bond with Kara now that she has moved on. She'll always need me to be her mommy, but we can relate on a new level with everyday things, even the mundane. All the things that were taken for granted when she was here and had them at her beck and call. I am motivated to work more hours so I can still pay the bills, but save a little more so I can go visit her. I am hoping to take the girls on a driving trip from Spokane to Chicago in September when Meghan graduates from boot camp. Kara will still be there and this time we'll be able to spend more time with her. We are already looking forward to eating at the Cheesecake Factory there on Michigan street in Chicago! YUM!

Meghan graduates high school here in about a month and then near the end of July she heads off to Navy boot camp. Time to focus on this joyous time admid all the chaos around us. We will be half-empty nesters... 3 of our kids will have moved on and we will have 3 at home. :) 

Nathan has made it safely to Afghanistan. He called us yesterday morning. He will have a great experience there, and he's already taking the culture in and noting the huge differences between there and the United States. He's even experienced a mortar attack (eeek! Talk about my heart dropping into my stomach!) and said that was extremely scary. I cannot imagine and I am glad I do not have to. He's going to have a new take on life once he spends any amount of time there... how can one not?

All that being said, I will not be spending my free time doing much needed yard work or cleaning the garage or anything that absolutely doesn't have to be done at this time. I will do the basics and call it good. I am going to create and hang out with my family and do what I enjoy. Life is good, even when it is brimming with stress.

So, I suppose I have done enough rambling for one day. In 2 days the fun begins with the EAD Anniversary! I have some projects that I am really excited to share!
Take care and have a wonderful Wednesday... oh wait it's Thursday. This week is just melting away. ha!


I thank you so much for your kind comments! :) Have a beautiful day.