I am really not sure where to begin and this may be a random rambling post today. My emotions are mixed about this.
Nathan has decided to leave our home and it wasn't on good terms. It's been a battle since he moved in with us almost a year ago... some things improved, but so many have just gotten worse. For the past two months it's been horrible. All our trust and everything we thought to be true was shattered time and time again by the hurtful lies and betrayal Nathan continued to bestow upon us. We didn't have to take him in. But we did. He's not biologically ours. But we loved him just the same. We disrupted the peace in our house and traded it for chaos. His negativity and carelessness spread like cancer through the house. We tried our best to support him through this time. But we didn't complain. We watched him self-destruct. But we couldn't stop him. We tried to guide him in the right path. But he continued to stray. We tried to get him through high school and were so close. But he decided to throw it all away. We put up with things that we swore we'd never put up with. We were used and abused. Let me tell you, that's the worst feeling in the world. To take it from someone who you owe nothing to makes it even that much harder. He's burning bridges faster than they can be built and someday all of this is going to catch up with him. I don't wish ill of him, I hope he can find his way. However he took a part of my soul and ripped it to shreds and I am not sure I can recover from that. I carry a lot of animosity toward him and I pray that I find the strength within me to let it go. He has crushed my husband who gave him everything. Endless love and endless hours of trying to get inside his head to help him find himself. Selfless love and time that one cannot get back. My husbands health suffered. The relationship between him and the girls suffered. Our relationship suffered.
I could go on and on but I won't. This last year has been a wasted effort, but at least we know in our hearts, deep down, that we gave everything we had. Time and time again. Now it's up to him to find his way and I have a feeling it's going to be a very dark time for him. If you are the praying kind, please send prayers up for him. His angels are going to be working overtime.
I will leave you with this quote I stumbled on today. How true this is. Give your kids and extra hug and kiss tonight because they grow up way too fast.
"How true Daddy's words were when he said: all children must look after their own upbringing. Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. "