Sunday, July 3, 2011

layouts, frustrations, and migraines- oh my!

My little Boo has not had such a good week. :( On Sunday afternoon (a week ago), she came down with a sudden and intense migraine, and has been pretty miserable since. I ended up taking her to the Dr. on Tuesday to get something stronger than just plain Tylenol and benadryl, and he gave her some Tylenol with coedine, and a prescription for Immitrex should she need it if she ever got another.
Unfortunately the initial headache has not gone away, although it has lessened in intensity- it's been holding at a dull roar the past few days- enough for her to eat and drink more, and get a few smiles and giggles in between the rocking and tears. On top of the headache, she has been having more intense stomach pain- probably due to all the medication she is taking. My heart just aches that there is nothing I can do for her other than keep her as comfortable as possible. I would trade her places in a heartbeat, if I could.

She is the bravest, strongest, most amazing 11 year old I know. God has blessed me with her, and I am ever so grateful that he has. I have learned the art of patience and compassion and grace on a higher level watching her suffer these past few years; especially the past 6+ months now. I am more capable of taking care of her and her needs, and realizing that there is a plan for her- I cannot always have control. I do not understand why the dr's cannot figure out the source of some of these problems, some of this pain, but I have faith that we will know someday. It is frustrating to watch and it makes me angry, but I have learned to use that anger and frustration in a productive way. Medicine has made some incredible advances, but there is still so much to be learned. I am confident in the abilities of the team of Dr's she has now- that we have created this past year. They keep me grounded. They encourage me to be proactive. They remind me how well I am dealing with this, and how lucky Ashlyn is to have me, because so many parents give up the fight. Really?! I find that unbeleiveable, but yet they tell me it is common. I cannot fathom that. I would give everything to help my children. I will continue to fight for her until she can fight for herself, and then i will be there beside her every step of the way. This is a journey that will be ongoing. Her doctors remind me of that at well; everytime I get frustrated with what I think is a backward step, they remind me that disease is not a forward and backward progression- it is a daily ride on a bumpy road. Some days the road will have a nice smooth ride, but there are ruts, and they knock you off that course when you least expect it. This has been the most difficult part of the journey for me- I am trying to be optimistic, and when she has a fair stretch of good days, it's really difficult to watch her "go back". I want her to continually move forward. I want to have the girl who I keep getting glimpses of; one who is full of fun and music and laughter and energy. One who can be a normal 11 year old- carefree and finding herself. Not lying in a dark room for days on end.

Enough of that- onto something happy. I have 3 layouts I created last week using challenges from My Scraps and More. I cannot say enough how much inspiration I have gotten there. The site inspires me to create- and have fun doing so. I feel like I am in a good scrappy place right now, and although life is not how I had envisioned, I am happy. I know that makes all the difference in the world. :)

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I thank you so much for your kind comments! :) Have a beautiful day.